Awaken the Genie Within

Breathing Your Own Fumes

Lately I've been talking to a few friends and family members who have been going through some difficult times. While I was listening to what they were sharing with me a common theme kept showing up that had me say this on several occasions, "You need to stop breathing your own fumes for a while."

What was so interesting was how everyone took in that statement at a very deep level. The minute they heard this they understood exactly what I was saying and knew that's what they were doing, causing them to feel stuck and frustrated.

When we get to a place where we can't see beyond our own noses and everything feels like a struggle, it's time to step outside of our environment and ourselves so we can breathe in a new perspective. The tricky part, however, is the longer we've been breathing our own fumes, the easier it is to become asphyxiated making it harder to come up for fresh air to create a new reality.

It requires a conscious effort to be aware when you're getting sucked in by your own fumes so you can do something about it before you're feeling like there's no answers available to you. I have a little sign that says, "How's my fume level?" that sits in my office. When I'm really stuck and I see those words it's a great reminder to reach out for help or leave the environment to clear my head for a while.

I invite you to make a reminder for yourself. Maybe a sign that says the same thing I wrote or something like - "Am I breathing my own fumes?", "How long have I been breathing my own fumes?", "Is it time to come up for fresh air?" Write whatever is going to have the biggest impact on you so you take the action that's going to have you breathing air that adds life to you.

Confrontation

After a talk I gave recently a woman came up to me wanting some guidance on a situation that's she's been afraid to face involving another person. She expressed how much she hates confrontation and it keeps her from sharing her truth and concerns, often.

When she was done speaking I asked her a question: "Why are you automatically assuming this is going to be a confrontation?"

She said, "I guess because I'm afraid she's not going to be happy with what I want to say and it's going to make her angry."

Because there were others waiting to talk to me I quickly shared something with her that gave her enough to ponder and give it a try.

"When you come from a place of integrity and truth with no intention to hurt another human being, saying what you need to say without blame and with responsibility for your part, how she reacts is out of your hands. If anger shows up in the moment, you have a choice. You can step into her anger creating the confrontation you're afraid of, or, you can remain in a state of calm while holding a space for love and compassion as you do your best to understand her feelings and still honor your own. A confrontation cannot exist without two people participating in it."

Helping others speak their truth is a huge part of my coaching practice. I know it's scary to step up and say what's true for you when you're so concerned with how someone's going to react. But if there's anything I've learned while breaking through my own fears of confrontation it's this; there is nothing more empowering and loving than being able to express ourselves in a way that not only honors our truth but allows us to hold a place for compassion and respect for the other person.

Whether it's needing to move on from a relationship or solve a business issue, the more you stand in your intention to resolve or move on for the highest good of all concerned, the sooner you'll realize that there never needs to be a confrontation in your life again. I invite you to drop the word confrontation from your vocabulary. The word itself holds a lower vibrational energy that creates the fear within and sets the stage before you've even stepped on to it.

P.S. Megan, the woman from my talk, called to let me know she applied what I shared and was blown away how well it all turned out. The other woman did get angry but Megan stayed centered and after about 10 minutes they were able to talk calmly and come to an understanding that pleased both of them.

Living It Over and Over Again

Lately I've been hearing a similar theme with my clients. They experience something in their life one, two or maybe three times, and even though the situation is over they are still living it over and over again - often hundreds of times - and sometimes for years.

How do they do that? By visiting it again and again in their minds. By speaking about it as though it were still happening. If you went through an experience with someone or several people and it hurt you physically or emotionally, the more you relive it in your mind, the more you get to re-experience it as though it were still happening.

Maybe you were just the observer of a situation and it made you uncomfortable or angry. Once you've removed yourself from being there, it's over for you. Unless, of course, you're allowing yourself to live it over and over again in your mind.

Every time you relive upsetting past experiences, you keep yourself from moving forward and allowing for the possibility that something different can show up for you or for all the people involved. You set up an energy within that doesn't allow for any change to take place. You have created your own prison and until you choose a new thinking that serves your higher good, it's as though you've thrown away the key that unlocks the prison door.

Take an honest look at how many times you may be reliving those upsetting experiences in your life. Perhaps it never occurred to you that every time you go back to one of them in your mind, that you're the only one in the moment whose causing you pain, not the other person or people involved in the experience. The pain you're feeling is truly self-inflicted.

Personally, I believe you deserve to treat yourself better than that!

 

A Lesson From Basketball

I am a huuuuuge basketball fan and in my wildest dreams I never thought I'd hear a basketball announcer say something that is in complete alignment with my philosophy in life and something I emphasize over and over again in my coaching practice.

During a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game the announcer was talking about a particular player who always has a good time, whether he's on the bench or on the court - Ronny Turiaf. He talked about the fact that there are players in the league who only focus on what's going wrong during a game. Why things aren't working. But Ronny isn't one of them. He's the player that looks at what is working. And it's that enthusiasm and attitude that can bring out the best in his teammates and help them shift their mindset to make the changes necessary to improve their situation.

To watch Ronny on the bench is as much fun as to watch him on the court. It doesn't seem to matter how ridiculous he may look. Whatever joy he's feeling, he's going to show it. Whatever encouragement needs to be given he's giving it - including to himself! It's obvious he loves life and he's looking for what is working in the moment.

Life, like basketball, is a game to be played when you're willing to step onto the court and play full out. No, you're not always going to make all your shots. And sometimes there's going to be bumps and bruises along the way to making your shots. But the more you continue to focus on what is working instead of what's wrong, the more shots your going to make and the more fun you're going to have in the process.

Why not take a few moments right now to list everything that is working in your life. And remember, it's not just about the big 3 point shots, the easy layups are just as significant.

Arguing With Reality

I'm always tickled when I find myself doing exactly what I work on with clients. It reminds me that I've still got a lifetime of growth to do and I'm always a work in progress! Today I wasn't able to connect to the internet or check emails. When I spoke with my Internet Service Provider they determined it wasn't on their end but an issue with my router.

"That's not possible," I said. "I just went through a complete overhaul with them a month ago."
"Well, it may not be possible in your mind, but in reality, that's exactly what the problem is," he replied.

I sat in silence, taking in his comment for a second and then thought to myself, "Oh yeah! Reality. I'm arguing with reality and that's not going to get this issue resolved."
He was kind enough to get me on the line with the router company. After an hour of doing all sorts of technical stuff with them, the Internet was up and running once again.

This incident reminded me that no matter how much I argue with reality, there it is, standing firm in its position, still staring me in the face. Always waiting patiently and lovingly for me to align my Being with it. And every time I do, it's easier for me to take the necessary action to create a new reality for myself. Even if that means just shifting my emotional energy so I feel better when there's nothing I can do to change the physical reality.

I invite you to notice how often you argue with reality. The more you argue, the more stressed your life becomes. When you accept the reality you're faced with for the moment, you can allow in feelings of peace, patience or understanding. And with those feelings it's easier to move forward in your life and create a reality you prefer - emotionally and/or physically.

Hearing the Broadcast and Taking Action

While attending my spiritual church of Agape on Sunday, Reverend Michael shared a wonderful story that I'd like to share with you. He was talking about hearing the broadcasts we receive that shows up as that still, small voice within. And not just hearing it, but taking the action that it will often invite us to do.

About a week ago he was in pain due to swelling in his throat. As he lay in bed surrendering to God and asking for support to ease his pain, his phone rang - it was his 4 year old grandson. Prior to making the call, his grandson was taking a bath, and in the middle of the bath he told his mom that he needed to "call Papa right now." Mom dried him off and let him do so.

Reverend Michael picked up the phone and the next thing he heard was, "Papa, you have my heart. I just wanted to tell you, you have my heart." With tears in his eyes, he felt the love of God through his grandson and his pain eased immediately. He knew that God had reached him via his grandson and because 4 year olds are so open to hearing the messages and taking action, he was able to fulfill the need in a magnificent way.

How often do you hear that voice within and ignore it because of a multitude of reasons you tell yourself? It's too silly. I'm too embarrassed. I'm too busy right now. I'm sure he or she doesn't want to be disturbed. I'm in the middle of a bath!

Next time you hear the broadcast, think less and act more. You just might be the messenger for a higher Source in the moment.

Your Thoughts, Your Stress

I'm working on some big opportunities for my business and something became crystal clear to me the other day - depending on the thoughts whirling around in my mind, I'm either stressed or relaxed about the possibilities in front of me. Now I know this sounds obvious, but the fact is, more times than not, we believe the actual circumstance is what causes the stress - not true.

First of all, when a circumstance hasn't even happened yet, how could it be the reason for your stress? It can't. Only the way you think about it can. The same is true when you think back on situations that didn't turn out the way you had hoped. The stress is only there because of your thoughts. When you honestly release the thoughts that aren't serving you, you can't possibly still be in stress.

I played with this a lot over the last few days and saw how easy it was to feel the stress building in me when I held onto my Gremlin thoughts. Each time I brought myself back into the present moment, starting with my breathing, all the stress went away. Then I chose to take an action that I believed would support my future plans or an action that gave me the opportunity to relax for a bit.

Now, if you're thinking you're stressed because there's too much on your plate, well, the same holds true. You're not stressed because of a full plate, you're stressed because of your thoughts about that full plate. Write it all down on paper to release it from your mind/body. Then start doing one thing at a time from your list, without thinking about the next thing you have to do. I promise you, the stress won't be there. If you believe what you're doing in the moment is causing you stress, it's not. The way you're thinking about it, is!

As simple as this information is, it can lead to a very powerful awakening. And when you grasp the concept at a deep level and practice it, you get to live stress free!

Radio Show

Just wanted to put a quick post up letting you know I am a guest  on the Cassandra McShepard radio show in Milwaukee, WI on Wednesday, April 2nd to discuss my book Awaken The Genie Within and a multitude of other things to help you quiet your Gremlin and wake up your Genie! We'll be chatting for 1 1/2 hours.

If you're in the Milwaukee area you can listen on your radio - WMCS 1290 AM.
Outside of Milwaukee you can listen on the internet at http://www.1290wmcs.com/

1:30-3pm EST, 12:30-2pm CST, 11:30-1pm MST, 10:30-12pm PST

The host does take caller questions and comments so feel free to call in!
Studio call-in line - 414-799-1290

No Words Needed

I've been working with a client for about a month who came to me because she was going through a very difficult time in her marriage. She truly believed the only way to have peace and happiness back in her life and her children's life, was to end the marriage unless her husband made some drastic changes.

I had a different thought. Before we began I told her I would only work with her if she was willing to first look inward and see what changes she needed to make and then take action around those changes. Reluctantly, she agreed. Well, as often is the case, even without her husband making drastic changes, the changes she's making has brought her great peace and created more harmony in the family.

She said something to me the other day that just made me all warm and fuzzy inside because I know how true it is.

"Without words, I'm starting to say more things."

She went on to explain that the less she reacts to his behaviors, reactions or moods, the quicker he shifts into a nicer person.

"He's starting to see I'm not willing to keep playing the game and my children are more relaxed and happy."

There's still work to be done as she continues to learn more about herself, but what has been accomplished in just three sessions is a great credit to her willingness to no longer place blame and to be the best person she can be, not just to her family, but to herself.

When you are truly open to exploring what part you play in any area of your life that's not working, you bring yourself closer to knowing the truth and experiencing real change inside and out.

The Angels Around Us - Part 2

If you are reading this before you've seen my post from March 22nd you may want to read that first. Just scroll down and you'll see Part 1 of The Angels Around Us.

The second Angel experience I shared with my client was a life saving one although I didn't interact with it as I did in the parking garage.

I was driving along the 10 freeway in Los Angeles when I looked down for a second. When I looked back up I saw a Mack truck moving over into my lane and I was about to hit it driving along at 65 miles an hour. I slammed on my brakes only to send the car into a spin moving across 2 lanes of the freeway. During the spin my hands were pulled off the steering wheel and my entire body was shoved against the seat with my hands up in the air. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion as I saw cars swerving to avoid me.

The next thing I know my car is stopped, on the shoulder of the freeway, facing the wrong way. Within seconds a man is knocking on my window and I roll it down. He asks if I am okay and as miracles will have it, I was - other than the fact that I was shaking like a leaf. He told me that my car did a 360 and then a 180 before it stopped in the spot I was and it was as if the other cars were being parted to allow my car to get to the side of the freeway. He then said, "And look what you ended up in front of." I was right next to the freeway call box to get some help for my flat tire which was the only damage to the car.

This gentleman was kind enough to stay with me until Triple A arrived. As we spoke we shared our knowing that my Angel/s had taking very good care of me once again.

If you have any Angel experiences you'd like to share, I'd love to read them. Just click on the comment link at the bottom of this post.