Awaken the Genie Within

New Year

This is the last post for 2009 and I simply want to say thank you for reading my blog and may the New Year bring you much love and abundance in all areas of your life. 

With Blessings,
Linda

Hit Your Default Button

If you've ever been annoyed or angered by someone in your life because they asked you about your whereabouts or why you did a certain something, it's not unusual to find yourself jumping on the defensive - especially if you're reading into a tone in their voice that has you believing you need to defend yourself.

Well, I'd like to invite you to think about this in a new way and hit your default button, so to speak, so you can actually consider that there's something good stemming from his or her question or questions. Now you may be thinking, what good exists when someone is asking you, "Why did you go there without telling me?" or "Why were you gone so long?" or "Why did you have to give her that, today?"

Take a moment and think, what good intention lives within those questions? 

If you're thinking, "Well, maybe he or she was worried about me?" or "Maybe he or she wanted to be included in the giving process and was hurt that I did this alone," you're absolutely correct.

Whatever the other person's reason is, you have the ability to defuse the situation by the way you respond. Come from a place of defensiveness and you only escalate things. Come from a place of curiosity, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you can diffuse a possible argument. 

The people in our lives who love and care about us aren't out to hurt us intentionally. When we're willing to hit our default button, look for the possible good in the situation and respond from that place, it's amazing how the communication can shift and how the other person will respond in kind.

You might respond with, "You sound like you were worried about me. If that's true, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Or "Did I misunderstand that you wanted to be there when I gave her the gift or is something else upsetting you about this?"

Get your ego out of the way for a little while and just allow yourself to be responsible for possibly not understanding the need of the other person. I know we can't read someone else's mind and it's frustrating when people don't say what they want to say, clearly, but it can start with you to create a better understanding between each other.

I can't think of a better time to practice this than during the holidays, when we're spending more time with loved ones and often feeling more stressed than normal. So get your finger warmed up and start hitting your default button.

May your holiday season be filled with joy, love, peace and compassion.

So Beautiful

The following was sent to me by a friend and it moved me to tears.

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the quickie mart building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it  looked more like she had  been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95. I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'I don't want my kids to see me crying!,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan. 1, and finally, in desperation, had called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there. I gave  her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'

This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people.'

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...

Queen of Candor

I recently emailed a colleague a question about getting in touch with someone for some information. The response I got from her was a possibility in the back of my mind and although I was a wee bit disappointed I understood her position.

What had me laughing out loud, though, was what she put at the end of her email - Queen of Candor. You see, she was quite matter of fact, direct, and honest - everything I love when communicating with someone. Being the Queen of Candor is something she can be proud of in my humble opinion because people always know where they stand with her - there's no wondering or second guessing.

Since the majority of my coaching practice is working with people on all kinds of relationships, I have seen time and time again how difficult it is for people to be the Queen of Candor. There is a great deal of fear around speaking the truth because of their concern how the other person is going to react or not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. Eventually, though, if the relationship is going to move forward or an issue be resolved, the truth must be spoken - straightforward, no more dancing around. 

Speaking matter of factly and directly can be done calmly and with grace when your intention is to work things out for the highest good of all concerned. In all the years I've been coaching people on their relationship issues, there has never been a time, after supporting them to speak candidly, that the overall result wasn't for the better.  

I can't stress to you enough, the more you practice being the Queen (or King!) of Candor the easier it gets and your relationships will be better off for it - personal and business. And, yes, sometimes that means some relationships will come to a close. 

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Speaking of being straightforward - with the holidays not so slowly creeping up on us why not get yourself or a loved one a wonderful gift that gives the courage and know how to become the Queen of Candor and so much more! It's my book! Awaken The Genie Within

 

     

Looking For the Fun!

While waiting in the check out line at my grocery store on Halloween day I noticed the checker had on a silly costume and an even sillier wig. I smiled and then looked around at the other employees to see what crazy costumes they were wearing only to discover that no one else was in costume.

When I got up to my checker I asked him why no one else was wearing a costume. He said at first he was feeling really awkward when he got to work and realized this. But then quickly decided not to let that ruin his day and that's when he chose to believe that the others just didn't have as much fun in their spirit as he did! He also said, "This is who I am. Just someone looking for the fun any chance I get!"

How great is that comment! "Looking for the fun any chance I get." The fact that he was the only one who dressed up and decided not to be intimidated by being in the minority speaks volumes about this person.

How often are you willing to look for the fun and not be intimidated by what others might think? It's not an easy thing to do on a daily basis but I'll tell you what, I've been inspired to follow this person's lead and look for the fun any chance I get no matter what anyone else thinks - especially my Gremlin!

Have You Ever Been This Tired?

I couldn't keep this to myself - a must share and will absolutely bring a smile to your face no matter what kind of a day you're having!

You are smiling, aren't you?

A New Friend

I have a new friend. When I became friends with her I thought I would be the one serving her, keeping her spirits up, supporting her in any way she needed support. Boy was I ever wrong! As it turns out, she serves me so much more!

She's gracious and joyful and always glad to see me. She never complains and always looks on the bright side of life. She never judges and simply takes life in stride. Her name is Ann.

Ann became my friend when I started volunteering at a home for the elderly to spend time with people who don't receive many visitors. Turns out I hit the jackpot having the opportunity to be in her presence every week and listen to the stories about her life - a life that wasn't easy at all. But that didn't stop Ann from being happy.

As she told me, "It's my life and moanin' and groanin' about it ain't going to make it any different. So I just decided to accept whatever came my way and do my best to keep on goin'. A long time ago I figured out that when I smiled even the heartache seemed a little less painful and eventually the sun was shining on me again, never fails."

Ann is living proof that that attitude not only makes a difference in how we feel but in how we look. When I first met her she asked me how old I thought she was. When I said about 80 she just gave me a sly little smile and proudly said, "I'm 100 years old and in December I'll be 101!" I was speechless and in that moment I knew I was in the presence of someone very special.

When I grow up I want to be just like Ann!

You Can't With Some People

Those words were spoken by a gentleman as he was leaving the office of our chiropractor, Kim. Now Kim doesn't do traditional adjustments, although when absolutely necessary she will. But for the most part, she brings you back into alignment by clearing any negative energy and emotions stored in your body enabling you to heal more deeply.

The words she said to the man leaving were, "Stay joyful and peaceful while you're with them." To which he responded, "Well, the fact is you can't with some people and when I'm with these people there's no chance of being joyful or at peace." And then he was gone. 

Now Kim knows the work I do with my clients and in that moment we just locked eyes and gave each other a knowing smile. A smile that said, "Actually, you can, when you're willing to take responsibility for your own emotions and not let others control how you feel."

For this man, he was right because it's his truth. I'm going to assume he's never known it to be any other way when he's with people who are difficult or unpleasant. But what he doesn't realize is every time he allows himself to go to that unpleasant place with them, he's giving all his power away because he believes he doesn't have a choice.

The bottom line is this; you always, always, always have a choice as to how you want to respond to someone. How you want to feel. How you want to behave. Is it easy to stay in that place of peace and joy during challenging situations with others? Absolutely not! But that doesn't mean it's impossible. 

Does it take work? Yes! It requires a lot of practice. Taking several deep breaths in the moment. Taking a moment to gain your composure before you speak. And doing your best to not take things so personally. All of these things gets you on the road to gaining control over your emotional energy - moving from your Gremlin thinking into your Genie awareness. It is living in that new awareness that will support your highest good and bring you the peace and joy we all strive for in life.

Rules of Marriage

The following was too funny to pass up sharing with you. It's the rules of marriage from a kid's perspective.

Enjoy!

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? 

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan,  age 10 

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. Kristen, age 10

 2.  WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE  TO GET MARRIED? 

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10

 3.  HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? 

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8

 4.  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? 

Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8 

 5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? 

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, age 10

 6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? 

When they're rich. Pam, age 7 

 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7 

 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. Howard, age 8

 7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?   

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? 

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 8

 And the #1 Favorite is ............

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. Ricky, age 10  

You Don't Have To Understand

It's very common for my clients to want to understand why they behave in ways that doesn't serve them. What I tell them is this; "You really don't have to understand the reason behind your actions in order to create change." This can leave them baffled until I share with them what I'd like to share with you, too.

When you continuously focus on the why, it can keep you turning in circles instead of walking forward. Your Gremlin looooves to have you play, what I call, the NUT game - Needing Understanding Today! Doing this keeps you in your head where your Gremlin resides and keeps your thinking at the same level of existence as the behavior you don't like.

Your Genie, on the other hand, knows that it's more important to simply recognize the behavior that isn't serving you and then make the choice to come up with new ways to do things differently. You'll have to ask yourself new questions such as - "What behavior would make me feel better?" What is it I really want for myself?" "What action would support me better?"

You see, when you know there's a behavior that isn't serving you, that means there's also a part of you that knows what you could do differently that would feel better and serve you. You tap into that part of you by choosing to step outside of your comfort zone to try on new behaviors and see which one fits best.

As crazy as it sounds, you are in your comfort zone even when you're not happy with the way you're behaving because it's the way you know yourself best and the unknown scares people - stopping them dead in their tracks.

As you move into curiosity and consider new possible behaviors, you're no longer stuck in your Gremlin's thinking. That opens the door for you to discover a behavior that feels better, serves you better and in time, allows you to walk forward and through the open door.

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