Awaken the Genie Within

What Can You Bring to the Relationship?

A friend, who's single and ready to settle down, was sharing his women sorrows with me. He always finds something about each woman he dates that has him walking away after a couple of weeks.

He talked about the things they lacked and what they weren't willing to bring to the relationship. After listening to him go on and on I finally interrupted and said, "Are you willing to put any focus on what you can bring to the relationship vs. what you can get?"

A long silence followed as he stared at me with a shocked look. Since I wasn't sure what to expect, I considered moving out of the way in case he wanted to slug me. Fortunately that didn't happen and he finally said something that took me by surprise.

"Wow! I never really thought about it that way and to tell you the truth, I've always looked at what I can get from a relationship vs. what I can bring to it."

Knowing he had another date that evening I suggested he pay attention to what he's going to bring instead of worrying about what he'll get. He agreed to do so.

Whether you're in a new relationship or one that's 30 years long, it pays dividends to keep asking yourself what you can bring to the relationship as it evolves and changes. When you're willing to bring your best to your relationships, you stand a much better chance of receiving the other person's best as well.

Bringing your best is not to be done with the intention of keeping score and needing something in return. If you do this, it will backfire on you because your intention is not pure. Your love comes from a fear-based love. You may be coming from a needy place or trying to manipulate someone's love. Whatever you bring must come from your heart and with no strings attached. As you do this, you stand a greater chance of the other person wanting to do the same.

As for my friend? He's now 5 weeks into his new relationship and happier than I've ever seen him. Hmmm....

Do You See Them, Daddy?

What a sight! And to think I almost missed it. Deep in thought, as I walked along the cliffs over looking the ocean, I was jolted back to the present moment by a voice.

"Do you see them, Daddy?" Looking toward the voice, I saw a little girl sitting on her father's shoulders while he peered out toward the ocean through a pair of binoculars. "Yep, there they are!" he said, as he handed her the binoculars. "I see them, I see them!" she squealed in utter delight.

Quickly turning toward the ocean, I saw them, too. A large group of dolphins frolicking in the water like I've never seen before. Jumping high in the air, flipping and turning, having the time of their life. For 10 minutes I was mesmerized by these beautiful creatures and the interaction that took place between them.

When they were done, and swam away, I continued on my walk. Only this time, I was fully awake and present. Appreciating the beauty that surrounded me, from a place deep inside. What a gift to have passed the little girl and her dad when I did. At any other point during my walk I would have missed her words that woke me up.

Sometimes we can get so absorbed by our thoughts and worrying about the future or rehashing the past, that we miss the only thing that really matters - what's happening right here, right now.

Before hearing the little girl's voice, my energy was running low since I was concerned about a situation I was faced with. After watching the dolphins, my mood shifted tremendously and I made the choice to be present for the rest of the day. As it turns out, the situation I was concerned about, worked itself out with very little effort on my part.

Play with staying as present as you can over the next few days - especially if you've been worried about something. Whatever needs taking care of will be there when the time comes to do something about it. In the meantime, notice all the good around you.

Are You a Thermometer or a Thermostat?

The church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.
Martin Luther King Jr. - Letter from Brimingham Jail, April 1963

When you apply this quote into your own life, it becomes a great opportunity to really take a look at whether you play the role of thermometer or thermostat.

If you're full of ideas that could create a life you desire without action, you're being the thermometer. If you complain about everything that's wrong in the world and do nothing about it or shift your attention to feel gratitude for what's right in the world, you're being the thermometer. If you allow people and circumstances to control your destiny, you're being the thermometer.

If you experience disappointment and continue on to reach your goal, you're being the thermostat. If you're not satisfied in a relationship and take action to make it better, you're being the thermostat. If you've been hurt, and forgive with expanded love, you're being the thermostat.

A thermometer simply tells the temperature.
A thermostat controls the internal environment.

Belief

"Belief is a beautiful armor but makes for the heaviest sword. Like punching under water, you never can hit who you're trying for."
John Mayer - Belief - From his CD Continuum

When I heard those words it struck such a deep cord in me. All people have certain beliefs about how things should be in life. This is wonderful, because it brings a richness and variety into the world that might not exist if we all believed, in all things, the same way. Different beliefs give us the opportunity to expand beyond our own perspective. It helps us to be more compassionate by respecting another's belief without feeling threatened.

And as wonderful as all that is, there is another side to it as John Mayer so eloquently wrote. Beliefs do make for a heavy sword when we feel the need to defend them so vehemently. When we need others to agree with our beliefs in order to get along. Living from this place can stop our life force and turn an otherwise enjoyable time with someone into a disaster.

Since we all view the world through our own filter system, it's only natural to have different beliefs. A belief is neither right nor wrong because it is just that, a belief - not a truth.

We may not be able to stop major wars that are created from beliefs but we can certainly stop our personal wars when we choose to. If it's your desire to live in harmony inside and out, then allow room for beliefs to exist without making it about right or wrong.

Surf's Up!

As I sat at the water's edge watching the surfers maneuver their way through the waves, two surfers in particular caught my eye. One was having difficulty standing up on his board. Wave after wave, before he could stand up all the way, he came tumbling down. In spite of this, he kept on going with great enthusiasm. His friend, on the other hand, was riding at least 40% of the waves he caught, looking less than excited.

About 20 minutes later they exited the water together. As they walked past me I could hear their conversation, which went like this:

"Man, that was great! What a perfect way to start my day!
"Are you kidding? The waves sucked. They closed out too soon and I kept wiping out."
"Who cares! It was just great to be out there."

Now here's the intriguing part of this conversation. The guy who never caught a wave was the one speaking enthusiastically, loving every minute of his morning of surfing. The other guy? He noticed only the waves he didn't catch and ignored those he did.

I share this little story with you as a quick reminder that how life shows up for us is not what determines our joy or unhappiness. How we show up in life is the determining factor. Yes, I understand that surfing, when compared to some of life's more intense experiences, seems silly, but one fact still remains. You can either be led by your Gremlin or your Genie. Both are always available to you. You just need to decide which one you're going to grab hold of and ride the wave with.

Surf's up! Or not!

Somewhere In Your Life

As human beings it's easy to look at what's not working in our life over and over again. We can do this to such an extreme that we miss out on anything that is working. Even if that something is tiny, it's still worth noticing and putting some attention on it. As you place that attention on even the smallest of something, it will expand when we do it in earnest. In other words, when we're not placing our attention on what's working just to manipulate more good in our lives. There needs to be a genuine feeling at a cellular level. It needs to be your truth.

I invite you to notice that, somewhere in your life, something is working. Here are a few thoughts to get you started.

Somewhere in your life true success is happening.
Somewhere in your life, real love exists.
Somewhere in your life, you are safe.
Somewhere in your life, there is health.
Somewhere in your life, there is joy.
Somewhere in your life, you experience peace.
Somewhere in your life, harmony exists.
Somewhere in your life, your truth is honored
Somewhere in your life, you are strong.

Now it's up to you to use any of the above or create others for yourself, so you can place your attention  "somewhere in your life" that is working. Remember, size is irrelevant. You don't need to go looking for the burning bush!

Gain a New Perspective

As I finished weeding and pruning the roses, I stepped back to do an overall assessment of my work. Much to my dismay, there were not only areas that I had missed, but I actually removed some things that shouldn't have been removed. The latter shocked me since I've never done that before.

Being curious about this experience, it suddenly occurred to me that I normally step back several times from the area I'm gardening, before moving on to the next area. Doing this gives me the opportunity to gain a new perspective to make sure all is as I intended. The fact is, I was in a rush and skipped the stepping back part. And, I know I wasn't very present, which resulted in trimming things I shouldn't have.

Gaining a new perspective is so important in any area of our life we're struggling with. When we're too close to the situation, we can limit ourselves from seeing what needs to be done that we haven't done or what we've already done that wasn't the best choice.

If you're struggling with something - feeling stuck and frustrated - take the time to step back and give yourself the opportunity to gain a new perspective. Maybe you'll need to talk to someone you trust who will give you an honest assessment. Maybe you need to come back another day with a lighter heart and clearer mind. Maybe you need to admit where you're holding on to something that really isn't serving you.

Whatever it might be for you, it always pays to step back throughout the process to gain a new perspective to keep yourself on course and remain true to yourself.