Rudeness or Emotional Protection?

I rented the movie Sicko and although the overall movie brought up all sorts of emotions for me, there was one segment in particular that brought me to tears of compassion for a particular person.

Michael Moore interviewed a woman who is a health insurance salesperson. She takes people's applications and goes through it with them over the phone. She has come to know very quickly who will and won't be accepted for insurance by certain things on their application even though she can't reveal the ultimate outcome.

One couple she used as an example brought her to tears because she knew they would be rejected. She went on to say that they were so happy because they believed they would finally get insurance and she couldn't say a word. What she said next, through her tears, is when I felt her pain and frustration.

"This is why I'm such a bitch on the phone with people. I don't want to get to know them. I just want to get in and out because I can't take the stress of it."

She feels deeply for the people she knows are going to be rejected. She protects herself by distancing herself from them. I started thinking about all the people she has probably dealt with over the years and how many of them might have thought that she was a "bitch" or incredibly rude with them. I wonder, if they knew the truth of her actions, how differently they would feel. I suppose, very.

I remember two times in my life when customer service people were treating me rudely. Both times I learned during our conversations that they were going through a rough time in their life. That reframed my entire experience with them.

So often we don't have a clue why people are rude or curt with us and we end up jumping to the wrong conclusions. We label them. We judge. We become rude back. It's not always easy separating personal feelings with the job at hand so the service delivered is what people deserve. The fact is, we are human beings who all experience emotional pain - some people just handle it better than others.

I invite you to keep this story in mind the next time you're being treated poorly and do your best to manage your emotions and not take what's happening so personally. Remember, no matter what's happening outside of you, you have the choice to remain in an emotional state that you feel good about.

 

Comments

[Yaehoo]

Hi, It's the second time i'm posting you without a reply. I found your site using Yaehoo, does your site support firefox?

[Linda]

Thank you, Albert and Dee for your comments.
Dee, your story is wonderful and I know it will help others to persevere when in doubt after an unexpected rude encounter.

Albert, I do think many people can be hurt easily by rudeness because of their own wounds. And, I also think we can all have an adverse reaction to someone who's being rude to us when we least expect it without any personal wounds or insecurity. It's just human nature sometimes.

[Albert]

That is a very nice story, it really helps to put things in perspective. I believe if someone is rude to you, it only affects you because there is some wound inside, some insecurity about your value as a person, that they have hit - otherwise you won't be affected at all.

Thanks for the post.

Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.

[Dee]

I do animal rescue and our organization was told a house fire destroyed a couple's home and two of their pets. A cat remained, and it had been burned. I contacted her and she was so grateful to know someone cared. Her cat was receiving free vet care but our group was ready to help financially in any way we could if she needed it.

I called her yesterday to see how the kitty was doing and her attitude wasn't very nice. She was late for work, didn't seem to want to be bothered. I told her I was trying to help her and I didn't understand her atitude.
Spirit was telling me to help her in some way, but after that phone call I just didn't know.

After reading Linda's blog today, I decided to call her,even though I felt I should let this one go. She was a completely different person. She told me how much she appreciated what I had done. She likened me to being an angel sent by God. I had tears in my eyes when she said that.

I apologized to her for being a little harsh yesterday and told her I had no clue what she was going through emotionally. Linda was right. This woman was having a bad morning. Her cat has been very ill from smoke inhalation and she really didn't mean to be short with me.

This is a clear example of someone who probably didn't realize how she was coming across and her "rudeness" was nothing more than stress.

Spirit wasn't wrong. I went out and bought both she and her husband a gift card today. I know it will help them but more importantly, she helped me.