Awaken the Genie Within

Breathing Your Own Fumes

Lately I've been talking to a few friends and family members who have been going through some difficult times. While I was listening to what they were sharing with me a common theme kept showing up that had me say this on several occasions, "You need to stop breathing your own fumes for a while."

What was so interesting was how everyone took in that statement at a very deep level. The minute they heard this they understood exactly what I was saying and knew that's what they were doing, causing them to feel stuck and frustrated.

When we get to a place where we can't see beyond our own noses and everything feels like a struggle, it's time to step outside of our environment and ourselves so we can breathe in a new perspective. The tricky part, however, is the longer we've been breathing our own fumes, the easier it is to become asphyxiated making it harder to come up for fresh air to create a new reality.

It requires a conscious effort to be aware when you're getting sucked in by your own fumes so you can do something about it before you're feeling like there's no answers available to you. I have a little sign that says, "How's my fume level?" that sits in my office. When I'm really stuck and I see those words it's a great reminder to reach out for help or leave the environment to clear my head for a while.

I invite you to make a reminder for yourself. Maybe a sign that says the same thing I wrote or something like - "Am I breathing my own fumes?", "How long have I been breathing my own fumes?", "Is it time to come up for fresh air?" Write whatever is going to have the biggest impact on you so you take the action that's going to have you breathing air that adds life to you.

Confrontation

After a talk I gave recently a woman came up to me wanting some guidance on a situation that's she's been afraid to face involving another person. She expressed how much she hates confrontation and it keeps her from sharing her truth and concerns, often.

When she was done speaking I asked her a question: "Why are you automatically assuming this is going to be a confrontation?"

She said, "I guess because I'm afraid she's not going to be happy with what I want to say and it's going to make her angry."

Because there were others waiting to talk to me I quickly shared something with her that gave her enough to ponder and give it a try.

"When you come from a place of integrity and truth with no intention to hurt another human being, saying what you need to say without blame and with responsibility for your part, how she reacts is out of your hands. If anger shows up in the moment, you have a choice. You can step into her anger creating the confrontation you're afraid of, or, you can remain in a state of calm while holding a space for love and compassion as you do your best to understand her feelings and still honor your own. A confrontation cannot exist without two people participating in it."

Helping others speak their truth is a huge part of my coaching practice. I know it's scary to step up and say what's true for you when you're so concerned with how someone's going to react. But if there's anything I've learned while breaking through my own fears of confrontation it's this; there is nothing more empowering and loving than being able to express ourselves in a way that not only honors our truth but allows us to hold a place for compassion and respect for the other person.

Whether it's needing to move on from a relationship or solve a business issue, the more you stand in your intention to resolve or move on for the highest good of all concerned, the sooner you'll realize that there never needs to be a confrontation in your life again. I invite you to drop the word confrontation from your vocabulary. The word itself holds a lower vibrational energy that creates the fear within and sets the stage before you've even stepped on to it.

P.S. Megan, the woman from my talk, called to let me know she applied what I shared and was blown away how well it all turned out. The other woman did get angry but Megan stayed centered and after about 10 minutes they were able to talk calmly and come to an understanding that pleased both of them.