Awaken the Genie Within

Be Direct. Really?

Recently a client was struggling with needing to say something to her mom. What's important to know here is she told me she said things in the past about the situation but nothing was changing. As I probed a little bit more I came to realize that nothing had changed because she wasn't saying what she really wanted and needed to say.

She was speaking around the real issue but that will never create your desired outcome. Of course, even when you do speak directly to the issue at hand, there's no guarantee you're going to end up with the desired outcome either - but you increase your chances greatly!

We went through a practice run - I was mom and she worked on expressing her truth. It took about 15 minutes, but eventually, the perfect words showed up. What she said next is not unusual when people are scared to stand up for themselves - "That felt great! But I don't think I can say that to my mom. I'm afraid I'll hurt her feelings."

Here's what I want you to know. The way she expressed her truth was so loving and heartfelt, with only the best intentions. The way her mom chose to receive it was not something she should be worrying about. For years she's been sacrificing her happiness just to keep her mother from giving her grief.

As I often do in these situations I had her hang up the phone and call her mom - sharing with her what she beautifully practiced on me - and then call me back after they spoke - she did. The result was fabulous! (I knew it would be) We had a good laugh because her mom said, "Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place. I would have understood. I want nothing more for you than to be happy."

In a matter of 20 minutes their entire relationship turned around and now they're closer than ever. When you lead with your heart and deliver what you have to say in a loving and responsible way, you will, more often than not, receive the outcome you desire. If you don't, that doesn't mean you shouldn't have spoken up. It simply means the other person isn't willing or ready to take responsibility for their part.  In a situation like that, simply stay in the love. Remain patient. Keep speaking and doing what you need to, in order to be moving forward in your life. It can take time some time - just hang in there. 

If things aren't changing over time, well, sometimes that hard decision has to be made to have that person in your life less or let him/her go altogether - depending on the severity of the circumstances. 

In the meantime - Be direct. Really!

Just Keep On Going

During dinner my husband and I were listening to an Ella Fitzgerald CD and when she was singing one of my favorite songs - Mack The Knife - I heard something that shocked me. She didn't know the words to the song after a couple of lines and just made words up as she went along.

Now my shock was mostly because I couldn't believe I never noticed this before. Nonetheless, it was wonderful listening to her having great fun making words up while maintaining the tune for Make The Knife. She recorded this CD live so she couldn't very well just stop in the middle of the song - or could she?

Yes, she could have, but being the professional she is, she didn't and chose to make the best of it and just keep on going. When the song was over the audience went wild. I loved it, too!

As a speaker, I know what it feels like to forget the words sometimes, but I always do my best to keep going on. Even if it means I have to say, "Hmmm, this talk would be so much more interesting for you if I could remember what I wanted to say next." I usually get a laugh and people tend to embrace me.

Why? I can only assume it's because I allow my humanness to show through reminding the audience that I'm really no different than them - just here doing the best I can - mistakes and all.

So here's the deal. When you find yourself messing up in front of a few people or hundreds, don't let your Gremlin grab hold and take you down for the count. Let your Genie lead the way and help you laugh at yourself, make the best of the situation and just keep on going! 

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I'm very excited to announce that I just launched my introduction video that will be followed by 6 other videos to help you with many different areas in your life. If you're a subscriber to my newsletter then you've already received the email about this. 

But many of you who read my blog are not on my regular subscriber list and I want you to have the opportunity to see the videos, too. Click the link and you'll be taken to the page to watch this 4 minute intro video.

Awaken The Genie Within

If you want to receive the weekly email announcing when a new video is ready for viewing just fill out the 5 Tips to Quiet the Gremlin form on the webpage and that will put you on my subscriber list.

With Decision Comes Peace

A client who I recently completed working with sent me an email that had so much wisdom in it that I asked if I could share part of it with you - anonymously. I am fiercely protective of my clients privacy especially when they share personal things that involve others in their life.

Nothing brings me greater joy than to see people I've had the privilege of coaching, apply into their life, what they learned and reap the benefits.  She is living proof of this!

I chose to bold certain areas that offer great reminders for all of us.

Here is what she wrote to me:

Hi Linda,
I think of you often, especially on the difficult days. Helps me get perspective again.
Today it's tough to be "mom" and communicate clearly about rules, expectations, choices. Lots of protest coming back. I hold onto the good. I keep my calm. I know her storm will pass and she will be  better off having had a mom right now, not a friend.

I remind myself that I deserve to have my own needs play a role in our family, that I am not a servant.

I remind myself of how far we have come, that my husband and I are on the same page now, stronger now, that this is all good, for ALL of us. I get through the moment.
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And the following paragraph she wrote is a perfect example of how we can still be at peace even when certain situations in our life aren't exactly as we would like them to be. Consider the whole piece bolded:

I am continually surprised. Since separating more from my sister, I am not struggling to find balance, but more easily finding it. I am not fighting impulses to emotionally hurt myself, but following my internal voices, honoring them, even when that means that my desired world (the one in which my sister and I can be easily close) is not in evidence. I am not struggling with the reality of my world, but respecting the deep internal voice I hear. I am not "taking the blame" because I am not judging my experience, nor hers, but  acknowledging that we are in different places, sometimes incompatibly uncomfortable....  and it becomes more okay as I fulfill my own life/world.
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If you are struggling with anyone or any situation in your life, please reread this and know that you have the inner strength to do exactly what she has decided to do for herself. Because the bottom line? It is just that - a decision.

The Gremlin and the Puppy

As I do everyday, I took my 4 month old puppy for a walk. Today, however, was different. You see, there was a time when Gertrude (my Gremlin) had me believing that my sweet, beautiful Lacey was never going to like walks. This is a dog who had a lot of fears when we first got her and walking seemed to be at the top of the list which I'd never experienced with any of my past dogs. It was so frustrating at times that I seriously considered not making her take walks. Afterall, she could just as easily run around in the backyard, play ball and get plenty of exercise that way.

Well, today was a major breakthrough, and honestly, it wasn't until 5 minutes into the walk that I noticed it. I think I kept waiting for her usual behavior to kick in - but it didn't. All her usual behaviors were gone - her shaking, her desire to turn around and go home, her need to be so close to me that it was like swinging her along with her body wrapped around one of my legs.

Not today, though. Today she walked with confidence, exploring in complete silence, no longer attached to my leg - she was at peace and so was I. Yes, she had been getting better with each walk, but this time a switch in her brain went on that seemed to say, "Oh I get it! I'm safe. It's not such a scary thing to do. I can handle this!"

Then of course, I just had to take this scenario right to the human level. So as I'm walking along with my perfect dog I started thinking how I let my Gremlin get the best of me when I first started walking Lacey. Believing that it was always going to be difficult and no fun.

That's what the Gremlin does. It tells us things about a challenging experience and tries to convince us that this is how it's always going to be. It can create unnecessary stress when we choose to believe something that hasn't proven to be true at all.

The Gremlin thrives in new experiences because that's when It knows we're most vulnerable and easy prey. So I just want to remind you, when you're doing something new and you find yourself scared or frustrated or ready to quit, make sure it's not your Gremlin who's leading the way. If it is, then pull out your 5 Tips to Quiet the Gremlin and put them into practice again. I have mine attached to the dog leash.

Okay, fine, I'm kidding. But it might not be a bad idea!

If you've misplaced your 5 tips or want them for the first time you can download them here: Awaken The Genie Within

What Love Is

I work with many people around relationship issues and I gotta tell you, the comments made by these children is just the kind of reminder we need when it comes to remembering how to love one another.

If you're ever confused by love just come back to this and your confusion will be gone. 

When Children Ages 4-8 were asked What Love Is by Iain 

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’

Rebecca - age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy - age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl - age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy - age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri - age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny - age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily - age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle - age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy - age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’

Cindy - age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare - age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris - age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day..’

Mary Ann - age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren - age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen - age 7

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.. People forget.’

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’

I have to admit, this last one brought tears to my eyes.

Article Source: Evolution Ezine

Pounding In and Pulling Out Nails

I received this story from a friend and thought, "Some stories are sooo worth sharing!"

When I confronted my daughter after she hurt another child with a mean comment, she cried and immediately wanted to apologize. That was a good thing, but I wanted her to know an apology can't always make things better.

I told her the parable of Will, a 9-year-old whose father abandoned his mom two years earlier. Will was angry, and he often lashed out at others with hurtful words. He once told his mom, "I see why Dad left you!"

Unable to cope with his cruel outbursts, she sent him to his grandparents for the summer. His grandfather's strategy to help Will learn self-control was to make him go into the garage and pound a two-inch-long nail into a four-by-four board every time he said a mean thing.

For a small boy, this was a major task, and he couldn't return until the nail was all the way in. After about ten trips to the garage, Will began to be more cautious about his words. Eventually, he even apologized for all the bad things he'd said.

That's when his grandmother stepped in. She told him to bring in the board filled with nails and instructed him to pull them all out. This was even harder than pounding them in, but after a huge struggle, he did it. 

His grandmother hugged him and said, "I appreciate your apology, and of course I forgive you because I love you, but I want you to know an apology is like pulling out one of these nails. Look at the board. The holes are still there. The board will never be the same. Your dad put a hole in you, Will, but please don't put holes in other people. You're better than that.
Author Unknown

Walking The Talk In Business

Last week I had the pleasure of speaking with Bud Bilanich. He's known as the "Common Sense Guy" and the author of a great business book; Straight Talk For Success. After reading his book it's obvious why he's known as the "Common Sense Guy." It's full of wonderful, common sense information that many people in companies and corporations often forget about - it would serve the business world well for people to read Bud's book.

But that's not what I want to focus on here - I want to focus on Bud, the human being. You see, I reached out last week to this complete stranger from Denver via email, wanting some information. Normally, when I reach out to someone for help I get a short email back with the information I needed and that pretty much ends our connection. Bud was different. He not only responded quickly but he wanted to speak about it on the phone.

Sounded good to me. I much prefer connecting with a live person since I believe it's the next best thing if we can't meet in person. By the time we were finished talking we decided to exchange our books with each other.

What Bud did next blew me away. He wrote about and recommended my book in his blog. So why am I sharing this with you? Because Bud is one of those rare people in the world of business, and life, who walks his talk.

He believes in authentic relationships. He believes in giving without expecting anything in return. And in his Building Strong Relationships chapter he says:

• Be truthful.
• Get to know other people - really know them.
• Help people succeed.
• Be a friend.
• Tell stories. Stories make people human.
• Live in the human moment. Attend the emotional needs of the people with whom you are interacting.

Bud elaborates on these points in Straight Talk For Success and as simple as they may seem, the fact is, people don't always live by such common sense advice - especially when they're wanting something for themselves. It's really easy to forget, in a world that is full of people wanting to get ahead in life, that when you're willing to do for others without the expectation of something in return, relationships can and do flourish. And the truth is, you never, ever know where that will lead you.

I invite you to see where you can build a strong or even stronger relationship - especially in business - without wanting anything in return. And then, be willing to make a habit of it. I promise you, it does pay dividends - even if those dividends are just feeling good about yourself!

Moving Through the Emotion

I have a client who is going through a very rough time right now. Although she knows there are certain things she needs to do that will ultimately change her current, volatile situation, it most certainly doesn't make it any easier for her. The fear is there big time. Sometimes a feeling of panic takes over. Knowing what she's going through, I understand completely.

What's so wonderful though, is her determination to move through all of her emotions - her willingness to not let that get in her way and stop her from reaching her goal. As she said to me, "I will be triumphant!" There is no doubt in my mind she will.

When you are going through a very difficult time in your life it is so important to allow room for all your emotions to show up - to allow the tears to flow. The more you embrace your emotions the quicker you can move through them. Remember, emotions are just energy in motion which is why you don't want to resist them. They are meant to be felt. They are meant to be moved through.

When you move through your emotions you have more strength to move forward. As you move forward you gain momentum. As you gain momentum you become stronger. As you become stronger you will be triumphant!