This morning my husband and I were chatting before we got out of bed because we haven't seen each other much due to our work schedules. During our conversation he was sharing with me how so many of the guys he works with complain about their wives and how controlled they feel by them. Then he said the kindest thing to me:
"I never feel controlled by you. Your love actually makes me stronger!"
Okay, I'll admit it, the tears started flowing. Not the sobbing kind but the kind where your eyes fill up instantly and the silent tears start rolling down your cheeks. In that moment I felt so loved, so appreciated, so honored.
Here's what I know after 29 years and 5 months of marriage; the more you try and control someone, the more you try and change them, the more miserable you're going to make them and the more the relationship is going to suffer.
Now please understand something, here. I'm not talking about wanting to change your partner so he or she stops being an acoholic or drug addict or some other destructive behavior that deeply affects the relationship. I'm talking about a basic personality. We all have our faults and insecurities and the more we control, harass, nag or whine to our partner the more we are withdrawing from the love bank account.
I know this sounds obvious. I know you've probably heard this before, but I can't tell you how many people forget how to treat the one person they claim to love the most. Please take an honest look at yourself in your relationship. Notice how much attention you put on how you don't want your partner to be or the things he or she is doing "wrong" in your opinion. These are love bank account withdrawals.
Why not put more effort into making deposits so your partner turns to you one day and says; " Your love makes me stronger."