Awaken the Genie Within

Another Lesson From Basketball

I know, I know! Two lessons from basketball in just a matter of weeks. What can I say, basketball playoffs are here and I devour every moment of it - not just watching but reading about it. And, it was in the Los Angeles Times where I found yet another lesson. This lesson coincides with my post Arguing With Reality.

The Lakers star player, Kobe Bryant, injured his back during a game. As difficult as this could be for the team if he were not in top condition for the next couple of games, Coach Phil Jackson spoke like the sage he oftentimes reveals himself to be.

Jackson said he wouldn't be surprised if Bryant began shooting in a day or two. At the same time, the Lakers coach said he couldn't control the outcome of Bryant's recovery.
"I'm not concerned at all," he said. "I haven't spent any time thinking about it. I have nothing to do with his recovery. He's either going to recover or not recover. What I have to do is prepare this team to play."
LA Times - Mark Heisler

There are things you can control in your life and things you can't. When you spend time worrying about or trying to change the things you can't control you are exerting wasted energy. You are taking your focus away from what you do have control over and therefore stopping the flow of creating new opportunities. And with this comes a great deal of self-inflicted suffering.

I can't remind you enough that your Gremlin will do Its best to run you into the ground trying to get you to worry about the things you have no control over. Reread the five tips that you downloaded from my website to quiet that little bugger so you can...

Let go, continue on and thrive!

If you don't have the 5 tips you can get them here: http://www.awakenthegeniewithin.com

 

Breathing Your Own Fumes

Lately I've been talking to a few friends and family members who have been going through some difficult times. While I was listening to what they were sharing with me a common theme kept showing up that had me say this on several occasions, "You need to stop breathing your own fumes for a while."

What was so interesting was how everyone took in that statement at a very deep level. The minute they heard this they understood exactly what I was saying and knew that's what they were doing, causing them to feel stuck and frustrated.

When we get to a place where we can't see beyond our own noses and everything feels like a struggle, it's time to step outside of our environment and ourselves so we can breathe in a new perspective. The tricky part, however, is the longer we've been breathing our own fumes, the easier it is to become asphyxiated making it harder to come up for fresh air to create a new reality.

It requires a conscious effort to be aware when you're getting sucked in by your own fumes so you can do something about it before you're feeling like there's no answers available to you. I have a little sign that says, "How's my fume level?" that sits in my office. When I'm really stuck and I see those words it's a great reminder to reach out for help or leave the environment to clear my head for a while.

I invite you to make a reminder for yourself. Maybe a sign that says the same thing I wrote or something like - "Am I breathing my own fumes?", "How long have I been breathing my own fumes?", "Is it time to come up for fresh air?" Write whatever is going to have the biggest impact on you so you take the action that's going to have you breathing air that adds life to you.

Confrontation

After a talk I gave recently a woman came up to me wanting some guidance on a situation that's she's been afraid to face involving another person. She expressed how much she hates confrontation and it keeps her from sharing her truth and concerns, often.

When she was done speaking I asked her a question: "Why are you automatically assuming this is going to be a confrontation?"

She said, "I guess because I'm afraid she's not going to be happy with what I want to say and it's going to make her angry."

Because there were others waiting to talk to me I quickly shared something with her that gave her enough to ponder and give it a try.

"When you come from a place of integrity and truth with no intention to hurt another human being, saying what you need to say without blame and with responsibility for your part, how she reacts is out of your hands. If anger shows up in the moment, you have a choice. You can step into her anger creating the confrontation you're afraid of, or, you can remain in a state of calm while holding a space for love and compassion as you do your best to understand her feelings and still honor your own. A confrontation cannot exist without two people participating in it."

Helping others speak their truth is a huge part of my coaching practice. I know it's scary to step up and say what's true for you when you're so concerned with how someone's going to react. But if there's anything I've learned while breaking through my own fears of confrontation it's this; there is nothing more empowering and loving than being able to express ourselves in a way that not only honors our truth but allows us to hold a place for compassion and respect for the other person.

Whether it's needing to move on from a relationship or solve a business issue, the more you stand in your intention to resolve or move on for the highest good of all concerned, the sooner you'll realize that there never needs to be a confrontation in your life again. I invite you to drop the word confrontation from your vocabulary. The word itself holds a lower vibrational energy that creates the fear within and sets the stage before you've even stepped on to it.

P.S. Megan, the woman from my talk, called to let me know she applied what I shared and was blown away how well it all turned out. The other woman did get angry but Megan stayed centered and after about 10 minutes they were able to talk calmly and come to an understanding that pleased both of them.

Living It Over and Over Again

Lately I've been hearing a similar theme with my clients. They experience something in their life one, two or maybe three times, and even though the situation is over they are still living it over and over again - often hundreds of times - and sometimes for years.

How do they do that? By visiting it again and again in their minds. By speaking about it as though it were still happening. If you went through an experience with someone or several people and it hurt you physically or emotionally, the more you relive it in your mind, the more you get to re-experience it as though it were still happening.

Maybe you were just the observer of a situation and it made you uncomfortable or angry. Once you've removed yourself from being there, it's over for you. Unless, of course, you're allowing yourself to live it over and over again in your mind.

Every time you relive upsetting past experiences, you keep yourself from moving forward and allowing for the possibility that something different can show up for you or for all the people involved. You set up an energy within that doesn't allow for any change to take place. You have created your own prison and until you choose a new thinking that serves your higher good, it's as though you've thrown away the key that unlocks the prison door.

Take an honest look at how many times you may be reliving those upsetting experiences in your life. Perhaps it never occurred to you that every time you go back to one of them in your mind, that you're the only one in the moment whose causing you pain, not the other person or people involved in the experience. The pain you're feeling is truly self-inflicted.

Personally, I believe you deserve to treat yourself better than that!

 

A Lesson From Basketball

I am a huuuuuge basketball fan and in my wildest dreams I never thought I'd hear a basketball announcer say something that is in complete alignment with my philosophy in life and something I emphasize over and over again in my coaching practice.

During a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game the announcer was talking about a particular player who always has a good time, whether he's on the bench or on the court - Ronny Turiaf. He talked about the fact that there are players in the league who only focus on what's going wrong during a game. Why things aren't working. But Ronny isn't one of them. He's the player that looks at what is working. And it's that enthusiasm and attitude that can bring out the best in his teammates and help them shift their mindset to make the changes necessary to improve their situation.

To watch Ronny on the bench is as much fun as to watch him on the court. It doesn't seem to matter how ridiculous he may look. Whatever joy he's feeling, he's going to show it. Whatever encouragement needs to be given he's giving it - including to himself! It's obvious he loves life and he's looking for what is working in the moment.

Life, like basketball, is a game to be played when you're willing to step onto the court and play full out. No, you're not always going to make all your shots. And sometimes there's going to be bumps and bruises along the way to making your shots. But the more you continue to focus on what is working instead of what's wrong, the more shots your going to make and the more fun you're going to have in the process.

Why not take a few moments right now to list everything that is working in your life. And remember, it's not just about the big 3 point shots, the easy layups are just as significant.

Arguing With Reality

I'm always tickled when I find myself doing exactly what I work on with clients. It reminds me that I've still got a lifetime of growth to do and I'm always a work in progress! Today I wasn't able to connect to the internet or check emails. When I spoke with my Internet Service Provider they determined it wasn't on their end but an issue with my router.

"That's not possible," I said. "I just went through a complete overhaul with them a month ago."
"Well, it may not be possible in your mind, but in reality, that's exactly what the problem is," he replied.

I sat in silence, taking in his comment for a second and then thought to myself, "Oh yeah! Reality. I'm arguing with reality and that's not going to get this issue resolved."
He was kind enough to get me on the line with the router company. After an hour of doing all sorts of technical stuff with them, the Internet was up and running once again.

This incident reminded me that no matter how much I argue with reality, there it is, standing firm in its position, still staring me in the face. Always waiting patiently and lovingly for me to align my Being with it. And every time I do, it's easier for me to take the necessary action to create a new reality for myself. Even if that means just shifting my emotional energy so I feel better when there's nothing I can do to change the physical reality.

I invite you to notice how often you argue with reality. The more you argue, the more stressed your life becomes. When you accept the reality you're faced with for the moment, you can allow in feelings of peace, patience or understanding. And with those feelings it's easier to move forward in your life and create a reality you prefer - emotionally and/or physically.

Your Thoughts, Your Stress

I'm working on some big opportunities for my business and something became crystal clear to me the other day - depending on the thoughts whirling around in my mind, I'm either stressed or relaxed about the possibilities in front of me. Now I know this sounds obvious, but the fact is, more times than not, we believe the actual circumstance is what causes the stress - not true.

First of all, when a circumstance hasn't even happened yet, how could it be the reason for your stress? It can't. Only the way you think about it can. The same is true when you think back on situations that didn't turn out the way you had hoped. The stress is only there because of your thoughts. When you honestly release the thoughts that aren't serving you, you can't possibly still be in stress.

I played with this a lot over the last few days and saw how easy it was to feel the stress building in me when I held onto my Gremlin thoughts. Each time I brought myself back into the present moment, starting with my breathing, all the stress went away. Then I chose to take an action that I believed would support my future plans or an action that gave me the opportunity to relax for a bit.

Now, if you're thinking you're stressed because there's too much on your plate, well, the same holds true. You're not stressed because of a full plate, you're stressed because of your thoughts about that full plate. Write it all down on paper to release it from your mind/body. Then start doing one thing at a time from your list, without thinking about the next thing you have to do. I promise you, the stress won't be there. If you believe what you're doing in the moment is causing you stress, it's not. The way you're thinking about it, is!

As simple as this information is, it can lead to a very powerful awakening. And when you grasp the concept at a deep level and practice it, you get to live stress free!

Let the Expert Take the Lead

It's funny how much longer something takes when someone keeps interrupting with what he or she thinks you're going to say next. Well, I'm here to admit, that someone I'm talking about just happens to be me!

The other day I was having some technical difficulties with my computer and was feeling rather anxious about it because it meant not being able to get the work done that I needed to get done by a certain time frame. When I was on the phone with the tech support guy I found myself listening to what he would say to do next, only to jump in every 30 seconds or so telling this poor guy what I thought he was going to tell me to do after that. His response, each and every time was, "Nope. Now you need to..." He never lost his cool. His demeanor was always very pleasant and patient while I continued to jump in trying to stay a step ahead assuming this would move things along more quickly.

After about 5 minutes into the conversation it finally occurred to me that all I was doing was slowing the process down and sounding like a complete nut case! Not to mention being incredibly rude. So guess what I did? I shut up and listened. Imagine that! When I did this, that's when everything moved along more quickly and smoothly. He didn't have to repeat himself and I didn't have to ask any silly questions because I missed what he said. And, as to be expected, I only remember all the techy stuff he taught me after I stopped interrupting with my brilliant assumptions.

I suppose I'm not the only person on the planet who's done this and so I share this story with you as a gentle reminder. When something goes wrong and you need assistance, take a deep breath, be a good student and let the expert take the lead. Not only will time be saved but you'll actually remember what you heard!

Perfect Emotional Energy Management

While in the bank there was an older gentleman next to me who was rather upset. In a fairly loud voice he was expressing his frustration to the bank manager about his situation. As his frustration continued to escalate I watched the bank manager for his reaction. There wasn't one moment when he lost his cool. Even his face continued to have a look of compassion and patience for this gentleman.

What was interesting, is the older gentleman seemed to be getting more frustrated the calmer the bank manager remained as he listened patiently without apparent judgment.

Finally he said to the gentleman, "If I'm hearing you correctly, you would like me to make the call to the bank headquarters because you believe this is a situation to be handled by a bank employee and not you. Is that correct?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I want!" responded the gentleman, gruffly.
The manager then said, "That won't be a problem. Just give me the paperwork and I'll take care of it now."

I watched the gentleman's reaction and he truly seemed perplexed. He appeared to be ready for more of a fight, as if he were expecting resistance from the manager. When that didn't happen, he literally stumbled over his words, maintaining some of his gruffness, but now doing whatever he could to back off with some of his dignity in tact.

Within a matter of minutes, the manager returned and the problem was resolved. The manager stuck his hand out and the two men shook hands. "It's been a pleasure being able to help you, please come back again soon." said the manager.

The gentleman mumbled a thank you and off he went - probably trying to understand why it all went so smoothly. My guess is he's used to coming up against people who get sucked right into his energy and then they're off to the races - attracting resistance wherever he goes.

I complemented the manager on the way he handled this gentleman and what he said to me was just perfect! "Before he came in here I was having a wonderful day. I saw no reason to let someone else ruin that for me no matter what the situation."

Now that's what we all need to remember when we're faced with a situation that can suck us in and ruin our wonderful day.

Something Better?

Sometimes a song will play on the radio while I'm driving that I just love. I can find myself get a little giddy when I'm given the surprise of a great song as I travel along. However, I recently noticed something that intrigued me and I realize I do a lot.

The minute a wonderful song shows up my Gremlin chimes in and says, "Oooh, maybe there's an even better song on another station." and before I know it I'm flipping quickly through the stations not willing to commit to the first song I heard - just in case. I laughed at myself, because by the time I get back to the first song, I've missed some of it, diminishing my listening enjoyment!

This experience got me thinking about other areas in my life that I might do the same thing. You know, the old, 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrome. I was pleased to discover I don't do this very much, if at all, anymore. However, as an example, in the past I signed up for tons of newsletters or inspirational quotes from various people not wanting to miss any pearls of wisdom. All that did was bring me lots of anxiety because of the amount of email I received! I wasn't willing to commit to one or two that benefited me the most for fear of missing something better.

That may seem like a shallow example but the point is to be willing to look at your life and see where you aren't committing to something because you're afraid you'll miss out on something better. This can happen with relationships, jobs, or even buying or renting a place to live.  When you're afraid of missing out on something better, you're basically putting your life on hold.