If you've ever been annoyed or angered by someone in your life because they asked you about your whereabouts or why you did a certain something, it's not unusual to find yourself jumping on the defensive - especially if you're reading into a tone in their voice that has you believing you need to defend yourself.
Well, I'd like to invite you to think about this in a new way and hit your default button, so to speak, so you can actually consider that there's something good stemming from his or her question or questions. Now you may be thinking, what good exists when someone is asking you, "Why did you go there without telling me?" or "Why were you gone so long?" or "Why did you have to give her that, today?"
Take a moment and think, what good intention lives within those questions?
If you're thinking, "Well, maybe he or she was worried about me?" or "Maybe he or she wanted to be included in the giving process and was hurt that I did this alone," you're absolutely correct.
Whatever the other person's reason is, you have the ability to defuse the situation by the way you respond. Come from a place of defensiveness and you only escalate things. Come from a place of curiosity, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you can diffuse a possible argument.
The people in our lives who love and care about us aren't out to hurt us intentionally. When we're willing to hit our default button, look for the possible good in the situation and respond from that place, it's amazing how the communication can shift and how the other person will respond in kind.
You might respond with, "You sound like you were worried about me. If that's true, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Or "Did I misunderstand that you wanted to be there when I gave her the gift or is something else upsetting you about this?"
Get your ego out of the way for a little while and just allow yourself to be responsible for possibly not understanding the need of the other person. I know we can't read someone else's mind and it's frustrating when people don't say what they want to say, clearly, but it can start with you to create a better understanding between each other.
I can't think of a better time to practice this than during the holidays, when we're spending more time with loved ones and often feeling more stressed than normal. So get your finger warmed up and start hitting your default button.
May your holiday season be filled with joy, love, peace and compassion.
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