George Bernard Shaw once said - "The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them."
Sometimes a client will tell me that the people in their life don’t understand them or will try to maintain the relationship as it has been in the past now that they’ve embarked on their journey of self-discovery and awakening to a greater truth within.
I empathize and relate deeply. In the beginning years of my personal growth, I often experienced a feeling of being misunderstood by those I was closest to. This saddened and frustrated me to no end. No matter how much I shared of my new Self – behavior, beliefs, boundaries – they just didn’t seem to want to accept it, creating anger between us and leaving me to wonder if there was anyone in my life that I could connect with anymore. With time and a new understanding on my part, all that changed.
What I’ve come to understand is it’s simply a journey and one with a process. The distance, anger, frustration and confusion are about fear. Our growth changes the dynamic of the entire relationship when people haven’t been traveling that path with us, and that can be scary. Everyone involved may wonder if it will create a permanent chasm in the relationship, or at the very worst, end it altogether – which, if I’m being perfectly honest here, is sometimes for the best.
The fact is, when we start out on our path of personal growth it takes time to evolve and we need that time in order to master our new Self. As we become trusting, comfortable and joyful with our new Self, it gives us the courage to more easily embrace greater opportunities for ongoing growth.
I have learned that it’s important to give those you want in your life, the same gift of time you gave yourself so they can make their own internal adjustments about you, the relationship and even themselves. Allow them to grow at their own pace just as you did for yourself. Allow them to attempt to maintain the status quo if that's what makes them feel safe, while you continue to do what feels best for you. Allow them their frustration without creating your own frustration.
Is it easy? Usually not. But I do know one thing for sure. The more consistently you show up as your new Self, and the more patient and loving you are with your loved ones, the safer and easier you’ll make it for them to trust the relationship in its new form, strengthening the love along the way and reaching the place of being understood.
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